I do not accept your invitation to fight!

August 8, 2016

 

I wrote this post a few months ago, when I was sitting one afternoon reflecting about just how many fights I've been invited to over my life, and how many I have shown up for (a lot). I thought it was timely to republish as its August, a traditionally volatile month. I have been invited to a lot of fights in my life. Like most of us I was taught to fight my corner, and I just accepted most fights as something that life throws at you. I had my struggle glasses on, and was fighting like a crazy woman, I fought and fought hard, mostly against myself and my own thoughts. Perhaps its a bit of maturity, but I know longer believe this approach is always the best.

Recently I had an epiphany that just because I'm invited, I don't actually have to attend. Whether its angry neighbours, cranky kids, negative thoughts or gossipy acquaintances, everyday each of us are invited to a lot of fights, the choice to partake however, remains firmly ours. Most of us unconsciously just accept the invitation and jump in guns blazing, usually with words like, "she just pushes my buttons" (victim) or "there's only so much a person can take" (powerless) or "my life sucks" (defeat). But what if we consciously refused to be drawn into the drama, including our own? What if we said, "I will no longer be sucked of my path by other peoples or my own erratic emotions"?

Voltaire once said that 'no single snow flake ever feels responsible for the avalanche'. This really resonates with me as it puts the responsibility of my life firmly with me, no excuses, buck stops here. Others may challenge, my thoughts may challenge, but the act of accepting is wholly mine. So before you blame someone you are potentially fighting with, or sink back into that negative head space, ask yourself if you have to accept the invitation at all. Could it be their behaviour actually strikes a chord with your own emotions? Could it just be the prince of lies whispering in your ear? Is it a time to gently think instead of aggressively react? I have been politely refusing fights for a while now, from myself and others, and it feels amazing...x sare

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