I am currently writing a blog about aging, and as always the universe is right there, perfectly synchronized with my lessons. 

Today I went to town and a man, whom I know as only a passing acquaintance, commented to me, "Wow, going grey already, old girl". 

I instinctively laughed.... 

I have learnt that I mostly do this as a standard defence mechanism when shocked or uncomfortable.

It is a learnt childhood response to deflect attention.  

Ironically, I was actually in town to grocery shop and buy hair dye. (Yes, I am a repeat offender on the home dye job).

What struck me on the drive home was that I realised I also instinctively laughed because I felt embarrassed.

Why should I feel embarrassed? 

The man conceivably held no embarrassment for commenting on my appearance. 

Was I embarrassed because I felt shamed for not maintaining my appearance? 

My instincts failed me and I felt I handled the situation poorly. 

On reflection I felt dissapointed in myself. 

I am sure I am not the only one to struggle with this instinctive boundary setting.

I would like to have my time again, this time not to laugh, but instead to have some witty comeback. 

Like all of us, I replayed the event for a good while and practiced what I should have said. 

That was until I realised the 'Prince of Lies' (my head voice) had brought this man along for the drive and I was wasting my time feeding banannas to my monkey mind. So instead I am posting a picture to show I am infact not embarrased.

I spent the rest of the drive home questioning why I dye my hair.

 I would love to say I decided to go completely grey. 

That feels like what a strong, modern woman should do. 

But truth is, I am just not ready. 

I am just not prepared to be speckled grey yet. I questioned wether sub-consciously I was bying into what we are told beautiful should be.

It was hard for me to admit, but yes I am. 

Then I got frustrated why as women we are constantly judged at a higher standard?