So I always promised honesty in my blogs and here it is. I have been worried for many days now, and have struggled to break the negative thought patterns.
I share this with you now, because if I have learnt anything, it is that it is our vulnerabilities that make us authentically stronger. We do no-one a service by hiding them and pretending they don't exist.
When I decided to make an ethical stand and go with a small Australian publisher, I had to use my own money to produce the book. I also lost access to a huge international network of book depositors. All marketing, networking and success falls back to me (and the plan fate has instore for me).
No matter how hard I resisted, my brain kept repeatedly reminding me of every disaster scenario. No one will buy your book, no one will like your book, you should have gone with the safety of the big publisher. You are stupid to risk your own money. Obviously up to release date this voice has gotten louder and stronger.
So last night after another bad sleep, I am sitting here this morning releasing these fears. They may all come true, but at least I tried. I didn't play it safe and I stood up for our greatest friend, the earth.
Producing my book on love, will have minimal impact on the planet I consider mother, and for that I am proud. I may not make millions, but I authentically help from my heart and that's a true measure of success.
I have also come to the conclusion that worry is natural and it is perfectly OK. It just means I honestly care about something and the success of it. So I acknowledge these worries, but I release them, because repeated worry is like praying for the very thing I don't want.
I have been pretending my worries don't exist and that was my mistake. So I acknowled that I am fearful, but I choose to release those fears, to stop my worrying. Everytime my fears arrise today, I will acknowledge them and move forward. I grow everyday, and in the quite this morning I am a little better at having faith in myself and the bigger plan.
Perhaps if we all acknowledge these fears a little more we would be less worried about presenting such a perfect face to the world..x Sare