I wrote a similar post a year ago, when I was sitting one afternoon reflecting about just how many fights I've been invited to over my life. I was astounded by just how many I had actually shown up for (uncountable). I thought it was timely to republish as its March, a traditionally volatile month.
During Spring and Autumn, the macrocosm (earth) is transitioning between yin and yang Chi. Night to day, light to dark, hot to cold. Just as nature is unstable we are also notoriously unstable during these periods. Chi within our microcosm (body) is also transitioning. It is not a period of patience or grounding, but rather a period of release and change. Unfortunately, in our modern, disconnected world, this often leads to misplaced frustration and anger.
As I said, I have been invited to a lot of fights in my life. Like most of us I was taught to fight my corner, and I just accepted most fights as something that life throws at you.
I was firmly positioned under my rain cloud and was fighting like a crazy woman. I fought and fought hard, mostly just against myself and my own thoughts really, but I would happily accept another's aggression and make it my own. Perhaps its a bit of maturity, perhaps it's my hard won peace, but I know longer believe this approach is always the best.
Recently I had an epiphany that just because I'm invited, I don't actually have to attend. Whether its angry neighbours, cranky kids, negative thoughts or gossipy acquaintances, everyday each of us are invited to a lot of fights, the choice to partake however, remains firmly ours. Most of us unconsciously just accept the invitation and jump in guns blazing, usually with words like, "she just pushes my buttons" (victim) or "there's only so much a person can take" (powerless) or "my life sucks" (defeat).
But what if we consciously refused to be drawn into the drama, including our own? What if we said, "I will no longer be sucked of my path by other peoples, or my own erratic emotions"? Instead of being pulled into your drama eddy, I'm choosing to remain within the river (flow of life).
Voltaire once said that 'no single snow flake ever feels responsible for the avalanche'. This always resonates with me, as it puts the responsibility of my life firmly with me, no excuses, buck stops here. Others may challenge, my thoughts may challenge, but the act of accepting is wholly mine.
So before you blame someone you are potentially fighting with, or sink back into that negative head space, ask yourself if you have to accept the invitation at all. Could it be their behaviour actually strikes a chord with your own emotions? Could it just be the prince of lies whispering in your ear? Is it a time to gently think, instead of aggressively reacting? I have been politely refusing fights for a while now, from myself and others, and it feels amazing...x sare